by Cindy Wold, co-author of The Art of Convening
Some of us are fortunate to have the Art of Convening method as a practiced tool at our disposal when we conduct our gatherings. But many of us also often attend meetings and gatherings where we are neither the convener nor the host. What then?
Well, if we’re lucky – as I often am – the person in charge follows (at least loosely) the principles and practices of the Art of Convening. In that case, there is a sense of inclusion and a predictable togetherness generated in the course of the gathering that is rewarding – and for me sometimes taken for granted. It takes only one occasion every once in a while to remind me of how fortunate I am to have the AoC so widely used in my circle of friends and colleagues. One of those occasions happened a few months ago.
Occasion: I was invited to a meeting of people interested in organizing a community group. Here is the anatomy of what I consider a dysfunctional, non-AoC meeting.
The host (I'll call him Terry) of the meeting, who I assumed would be the convener, sent a “come if you want and stay for all or part of the time” type of invitation to a 4-hour meeting with a date, time and place via email, and communicated that we would discuss a way to collaborate on an ongoing project that would be made clear to us at the meeting. I agreed to attend, but only for 2 hours, conveyed my intention to him, and arrived on the stated date/time at the designated place.
Only one other person was there when I arrived, and she knew no more than I about the delay in others arriving – or whether we’d missed a cancelation email. Since we hit it off well and were having fun conversing with each other, we decided to wait for a while and see if the others showed up. After about 30 minutes we started to think we had gotten it wrong and were about to exchange cards and leave, when Terry arrived with an entourage of 3 or 4 others. Other people started drifting in over the next 30 minutes until there were about 10 of us around a conference table.
I asked Terry, when he arrived, whether I had the time wrong and he said no, he was just running late. He didn’t think it was worth trying to call. Hmm. While I understand very well the unavoidable nature of being late occasionally and running behind, his nonchalance about it didn’t sit very well with me. I had reserved 2 hours of my day for this meeting so I decided to stay for that period of time (including the hour that was passing before getting started) and have faith that things would become better and clearer.
Accustomed to the Art of Convening way of doing things, I expected Terry to enlighten and engage us. But rather than address the group (he said hello and gave us a nod), he had been distracted by directing people who came with him to set up electronics and post some flip-chart pages with writing on them (much of it illegible) around the room.
I felt myself slipping into an attitude of separation. I started to think “who are these people?” “Why did I come?” “I’ll stay to see what happens, but I really have better things to do than sit here waiting for someone taking up my time while they get ready.” I was really looking forward to the moment when “they” would start to do the meeting right!
Since I didn’t know more than 2 or 3 people at the table, I wanted there to be a round of introductions and a clearer articulation of why we were gathered. Instead, a woman I didn’t know introduced herself by telling us just her name (let's say Yvonne) and started to speak about things that had happened at a previous meeting (one that I did not attend). As she told us about what had been decided or revealed at that meeting, Terry interrupted her periodically to correct her or contradict what she said. There were a couple of testy moments between the two of them. I found myself becoming more and more alienated, and the bored or quizzical looks of people around the table seemed to say that no one was engaged.
Rather than smolder quietly, I thought about what I might suggest to make things better. I politely asked Terry and Yvonne if we could we go around and do short introductions. Yvonne seemed relieved and happy to accommodate that request and re-introduced herself as the facilitator of the meeting. That was good to know! She asked others to take a minute or two to introduce themselves – what they thought others should know about them – and move along as we had an agenda (which was not shared).
As the introductions went around the table, however, some of the attendees began to recite long biographies. As one woman was getting close to a 10 minute introduction (while I personally thought she had nailed it well enough in the first minute), Yvonne tried to intervene and asked the woman if she could wrap it up – but then Terry said “no, don’t tell her that. Let her say whatever she wants to say.” I was getting impatient. Don’t get me wrong, the woman was very accomplished and her biography was very interesting, but I couldn’t appreciate it as much as it deserved because the meeting seemed to be getting derailed by it.
By the time everyone finished their introductions I noticed I had only another 30 minutes to be at that meeting. There was more quibbling between Terry and Yvonne about what the purpose of the meeting was, but finally a discussion emerged, driven by some of the other participants.
Two more people showed up in the midst of that discussion, about 10 minutes before I left. They were excitedly fawned over by Terry, introduced to us (but not us to them) and asked to talk about their work immediately, even though the rest of us had been in the middle of discussing something that seemed important at the time.
To this day, I don’t remember much of what was said or done in those last 30 minutes. During the late-comers’ presentation of themselves, it became time for me to leave. I said my goodbyes and quietly left. Honestly, I could have stayed longer, but I was already feeling as if this had been 2 hours better spent reading. Was I spoiled by the Art of Convening?
Short answer to that last question is - "YES!” Yes, I was and am spoiled by the Art of Convening. Happily so, because my experience of meetings in general that subscribe to the AoC method is so much more positive than it used to be for non-AoC meetings. And the one described above, while not as bad as it could have been, was definitely a non-AoC meeting and was unpleasant for me.
Later, I had the opportunity to speak with Terry about what went wrong. He was very receptive and genuinely regretful about the way the meeting went, but when I suggested he read the “Art of Convening” book, he declined. He did, however, ask me to send concise suggestions. It’s not nearly as informative as the book, but here is the short version he got from me.
Before the meeting:
- Think about who you are and what kind of relationship you want to have with the people in the meeting.
- Clarify for yourself what you want the result of the meeting to be, and try to set aside any desires that you can think of that would interfere with that result.
- Think about every single person you invite and make sure you really, sincerely want them to be there. Let them know that.
- Let everyone know, very specifically, what the meeting is about and what they will do. (Do this before meeting and reinforce at the time of the meeting.)
During the meeting:
- Start and end on time unless you get agreement.
- Do what you can to have pleasant surroundings with nature and beauty prominent.
- Have everyone “check in” or go around and speak to a question – could be unrelated to the topic of the meeting – so that each person is heard and present and accounted for.
- Let everyone know who is in charge, what that person will be responsible for and what the terms of engagement are for this particular meeting. Then enforce them.
- Monitor the discussion and make sure everyone is heard. Treat all equally and don’t play favorites.
- Listen for and bring to the group what you think has resulted from the meeting.
- Ask for a commitment to something at the end – something that the meeting has brought forward. It doesn’t have to be a “to do.”
- End with another go-around so that everyone has a chance to say something about their experience at the meeting or anything they didn’t get a chance to say during.
I think he took some of these suggestions to heart and I hope they proved useful. Anyway, some people are not going to read a book about meetings, so maybe we can still make an effort to convey needed and wanted information in a form they prefer.
I’m also very curious about what kind of dysfunctional meetings others might have and how they intervened – or not. If you’re reading this, chances are you know about the Art of Convening or have read the book – or perhaps are a skilled convener yourself.
Here is my question for you: Are you spoiled by the AoC too? How do you handle being the non-convener when the gathering seems to be sliding off the rails? Should/could I have done something else in my example? Please add your comments or, better yet, stories. I’m very curious!
Cindy (Cynthia) Wold is co-author of The Art of Convening: Authentic Engagement in Meetings, Gatherings, and Conversations.
Comments